ओने थिंग अबाउट.....

those friends,
are sharks
or mountain lions

freinds
dont make your bed
or do spell check

friends fucking tell you to fuck off

their there
when ya need
not just because ya bleed

cuz everybody bleeds dont they

maybe i pushed a wrong button
maybe that button got pressed
and stuck on
like caps lock

maybe the VOICES
arent about you
egomaniac

maybe that black man
was about somebody
maybe that somebody wasnt you

but why do i see a black man right now
coming in and out of the door

shit it aint about me.
see
did my hiers give me some bad blood

always thouht i was in the clear
always thought
i could trust up here
what ya see what ya hear

who doubts
Ibetter.

HH..IM OK
mucho LOVE
SK...if ya ever get to these parts
Love to u.
MEM.....TRAIN

इन इंग्लिश please

finally just another day
whoever
whatever
was a motherfing chemical

kurt said it
man
i found my friends
their in my head

i began to trust them
they helped me pack
they moved things
they hacked my computer

now heres the christmas miracle
they said....lets give 'em the xmas miracle of his life
lets let him be

so he can breathe

वाकी वाकी

voices are voices
aounds be they what they may

godamn unconscious makes a loveley sweater before i even wake.

ive heard them knit.

waiting till every eye is shut..one by oneee,,, unnnnnn (radiohead Rainbows track 2 has gotten me thru,,,

someone said..theyl go away but theyll come back.....i said u dont understand...

how does ome put to paranoia pdf intellectual property dissapearing nowhere to be found.....pdf cheap sandwiches,,,,,
..next day as if ive a brand fucking new emac out of the box,,,,

all the time a running commentary.....a couple......."oh what a nice christmas presant"..so
saw my dr said wtf man i got same GD vehicles followin....i do reverse pursuit thaere out of there.....

so i tale a blue capsule..knocks me for a loop of sundays,,,just enough to really send me into black whole.

google "survelliance"
1st result
usually done by private or businesses interested in intellectual property.
and in a manner as to be obvious, but in such a way the victim will supress it....


exaactafuckingly what ive been doing not dinner talk not talk talk
its commital talk,
99.9999999.0000000000000j7887775454454754545468......- one person
boohhhhhhhhhhhh
too much literature on mind control false voice
skitzo aising investigations

livinm in a fish bowl
makea me a pretty fish

look

i reminice the blues
of isolation
look back to my worst depression as if
it were lake tahoe
cuz aint nobody know
when theres nowhere u can go


whan 2 plus 3
wont ever add up
and u see
and see
and see
but life must go on



anxiety
needs to be a word
for drivers

what i dont allow
myself to feel is the fear
of his face
as he walked past

two hard cold
serious as the sky falling
that man looked at me

what can i do

where do i turn

does it matter

why me
what do they want
what did someone see in me
or is it about me

id be crazy if i told u
id be crazy if i didnt lie to myself each morning

.....

walk ...
taxi cab
waitin
for?
will i ever
look at a cellphone the same\

trauma
will this lead to a future that
is a hell on earth
have I lost my ability\
to even assimilate information

is this skitzophrenia
enviromentally produced

i never thought in a million years

not in a trillion

so i meditate
their always there
and thats
fact jack

lights off
but someones always home
awake watching

whisper

life will never be the same

so
alone
does annyone care
each mourning
is this the day

will i be another
person,
lone lone lone
never
alone
but never
never alone
sick
or aware
cuz im aware
and
i can add
what stupid ass
thing jas
caused this
unthinkable reaction

i long to be alone
just to know

b4 i wanted attention
tricks
nighttime
ninjas

if ever
a miracle
be
know its not me.

LIFE
MIStakes
can put u in a nightmeare

one can be too spaced
and hes tied down
im guessing

स्नो एंड थे devil

above me
paces
racecars
semicircles
speakers
tvs
alien shit

psycho in a laundrymat
all to true
when your stuck
black man
agent?
why?

do i want to know

i stumble

trip on the damn goldmine

i leave it

cuzz

i figure

everyones got a job

sunny day

here i sit...hours its been\
they whisper what the fuck
he must be on drugs
i sawe him take pills out of his bag.....and i mentioned i talked w/o beeing talked टी
ओम्ग इमागिने तो many clicks to many pricks the surface of communication of respect of beeing liked....one must go thru social bootcamp........no compliment no actions no words

its unfair

to people w money
i need not open my mouth
im seen as a punkpoor thief im watched
tho ive never stolen never ever,,,,,i pay parking crimes
i stop for pedestriams
r escue seagulls,,,,,help the down and out'



but why do they all assume,,if i shop too l ong \
why are they rude ...when im nice




ever been nice and be treated cold as ice
and the person bhind u gets a smile\\\


is thier a billboard telling lies

why has my reputation been destroyed
before ive had a chance to show who i am what im capable of




i didnt decide to be pooru didnt need to say yes when i asked to use the computea






















but u resent your innability to be firm


so many are just so scared to say what their thinking...
so why treat me wierd cuz im not araid to say it and i dont care who hears it
\\\\


u may think im a drug dealerr
\u make think im a thief


\\

\\]u may watch me with your video eyes
and your wired windowsikll eyes



u may see me wash my balls u may see me
looking out my window



u may see that i see a girl/


u may think you are holy you ,may think your alone but are u


u can never know me by watching nme



noone is ever whpo they are whenm thier not alone


kilkll me cuff me.....but when u take my privacy

my goals my future is nill
cuz i just dont cvare annbymore
i dont care cuz of how u treat me how u lie to me]
hide in the shadows
the play of the centurt\\



create my mental illness
create doubt.....create a thief


im not a thief



im not a junkie or a perve


uve no right to watch me


ive every right to make sure you dont


your going to die someday


i hope ur judged


ill be responsible for my life


will u

metaphor: gun go off.
start the race.
& given our orders' what has our city given us to do next..
fantasy.....reality
writting
perspective
never given
meant
for
unique
interpretation

one loafs
one is awoken
one is on a path of totality
one is in infancy of the marvels.
my life....those around....so much to be known.....beyond any pleasure
....beyond any act or reaction...
my cousin is gone.
she had a short life however she tried harder than any ll know
if I can try...if I can break free, if I don't know limitations....
know know hate can live in me
know my words are my fortress
what are all I have....but words can decieve.....
is a book ever percieved ....yes
have ...ok nothings the same
u see me but u will never
I'm saddened u sift the dark & which u feast...look to the light
its there.
question every thought.....motive? bias?
my life ..... I am human and I've a heart.

the city brought darkness, swirling shadows caught listless souls
down into her dephths.
but a second to feel the life.
an aroma perhaps or a glimpse of another life in perhaps the same
life-time in which u live....
surfing giant waves are our destinies....this city isn't for the
listless....its hard beyond any name or namesake...to be caught in its
tidal wave is to fight for the surface for that breath of air that
isn't free...the city has a place for any soul...stake your ground,
see its habits watch her ...never see too much kindness ...shell steal
that...from your very soul...the time has come where my mind has come
to the line.
will the gun go off tonight?
when shall we be given our orders.
uve begun...theres no quitting this
cuz the city won't let any be drugged dragged under her for
long....live ...live...time is now...to be and feel..face fear in its
place....dont placate....
if it be you ...they shall try to see
better go on beeing...
if ya don't know even who...ya are....just smile....be kind....let em
see there's a sun & redemption comes in all flavors....
but live.
live I shall.

wish I had a chance to see her. Her mom is a polar opposite....her religious banterings had me on the edge.....in 48 hours....

As I see the graphic fluid /sexually void / forced to be hidden away...as seen by her mom to be freakish I'm quite certain....
Here I am in her room....amoungst the remninse of a candlé that burnt a soul......
Will her work be forgotten.
Therefore her life
one of separation
of sacrifivation
of one who never gave inn
one who saw lifes end
as a cure....as she was hurt...the ones who damaged
her innocense took away
any open flower
from the yard
flower of solitude
flower of mechanics
of white rooms
of drs& commitals

I fealt intrusive upon a life thru art others should see..her guilt doth be
in all I see.
Half of my genes explore
her disease
sickness has no place for beholding a truth
such words such images
cannot be labled annymore MOM....she wanted to show me her work.
But the public?
Is it selphish.....to desire to devour every creative expression.. A poet trueley did I find...one box....
Left to tell these aunts these parnts shuving gospel or food in our mouths...
Sacred to keep the body
clean of all.
That day, my girl was your reprieve......& Mothers guilt overraught ...dropped fruit secrets no more....
You my dear my beautiful girl were of pure spirit.
How could you not shutt your mouth and will toward a manipulator who'd argue ur existence......oh how much did you walk ..how far until you were gone.....
She hides you now.
I took a sample of your soul
the rest ....shal£l not be in vain...
U my twin of sin....my freak n cheak.......
I see us talking ....how the illness sprinkled on our heads
how our nuture poison bottle of luv.......
Before I.....wizdom & weathered beyond ..

Ahh what sickness compare
how could they dare...huh my words ..skimmed your surface they were as cheap as radio waves....
YOU were published....you maintained a separate honorable and u breathed in the mountain air...
Males bullied your bones
such ignorance such a foul taste.
That mourning
had been there....
You knew it was there
before I awoke....you had been up for days.

Only in another life we could meet our minds.

I only just awoke
its written
its
my own flower

I shall keep the flower
in ur shadow
tolerate
small
noises
as EVE ate....
As they fucked
w/o care
pleasure is perfection
guilt is jealous

religion can't fuck
or be free...gods image
is all that is in us that is .

They dare prune the apple trees in other yards.

We ...you...Me...every fruit may be of the same tree..

Does not the sun ,air and soil allow a tree of many kinds?

Will an apple dro¶p to hell
for its seed to which it came.

But pear be not eaten or ripened ....I cannot say
which fruit ...any ....even be poison to our bodies.....
Still every berry ....doesnt yield for self....
I may hang higher....or perhaps be tasteful.....
Should I have the authority to question your seed......
U may be small in number....
But save lives......

Oh ye christian....
I grow in ur shadow.....small ...u block sunlight....
But we both get nourishment. Why would a berry not see that an apple shall be....
So let the apple, if that's who u be....dance upon the old seed.....ur seed has spread...survived been in great high places.

Do remember tho. Other seeds may not boast their taste or place...

Look below....our tree is of the same root.
U feel the suns warmth,
a fruit cannot see , but what it is.
it cannot taste itself.
A bird we must rely
for eyes .

Now ...night falls.
Each dependant on our faith.
Tho blind.
does yet the same sun rise?
Bring life?

Many trees.......
Many kinds
all w/ mysteries.

As the church is a great pear
Individual berries have life.

W/o faith......would the sun still rise.
ask a fruit.

APPLE,PEAR OR BERRY BE
WE ALL HAVE LIFE IN A TREE.

Remember one can be ripened.....just as many.

Orchard or thorny bush
are we not aloud to be?

Worry not for me
I've a seed
sunlight
and may even be on the same
tree.
.

sheep.

NOV 27 nightmeare on holly ln

here I be in farmington , think I found where the simpsons are from.
OUT of the lazy loft into the electric heat oh yeah heat ....ones off & ones on.....
but my aunt watched the IFC w/ me only w/ the agenda every movie w fuck in it is at war w/ the christian ......and on and on......
and I listened to her bp rise as she screams " u musnt go against the almighty's words"
can't teach an old dog or argue w christian/catholic methodology....every gays rovercooked.....
WILD AT HEArt came on...david lynch....she watched the beginning....when cages girl shows her nice breasts...oh btw priests molesting kids...dont mention it or ur against the holey word...holey like...ur whole shit.....keep the heat at 60 ...got an electric heater....but......now she's an environmentalist........BS.........Hollywoods sincity but at war w the church......umm no ur at war w the independant film channell.....
deprive a man of sex......O shit...
what are u thankful for?
me..
shit I got a list...
I'm on the up swing of a downswing & enjoyin the shit out of it as
wait.....holey shit my aunts singing to herself.......or to her cats
Someone .make the voices stop
churchisnt started yet........wtf I don't dare look outside my door.....
wow.......plz keep me sane.
I'm outie tomorrow......
bit late for hyms...
okay than .....shit no lock on my door..........im takin uppers...how dare I not
oh boy...

a bird a plain. A FUCKING GHOST

1. skeptics be their many.
2. eager to debate. hAD an image of a rare flower taken in mozambique would the shadows the light the specs all be an issue.
3. would one have so much to say..hence If handed a photo of a friend in the night. Would one go to lenghts to prove it something known, so skeptic be.....w/o it a mind cannot be.
4. remember the flower.
   
   

hacked & whacked

link to portland most wanted
there's a photo of a guy cashing a check

strange as it resembles me.....
what would u do if u knew u were
beeing watched...ur car door found popped open.....
same cars same people
who could u tell
who'd believe u
beyond doubt

& if u do tell someone
it 'd ...they write u off
how alone
too many coincidences

what could it be
who said what
that snowballed
..........what mistake has cost
such vulnerbility
privacy.....
don't take it for granted
only if it happenned to u
howd u feel.....when ur evidence....doesnt cut it...
and ur seen as just skitzo.....
don't get caught in the eye of technology....
one against many.
a fight u cannnot wiñ
on any level
kee¶p it inside
is worse
many forces
unseen
awareness
sux
will I ever escape
or be given respect to my
ability to feel this ..electric sense
sixth sense
some days I can try to convince myself ...it s a dream till that same white van sits outside



for the ones who don't entertain my hell...& write it off as my irreaponsibility....you can not know. no matter how prophetic u may be..you deny ones trauma
if I hear why would someone spwnd so much energy on me again....noone knows.....its happennig...more than I know...
ignoring makes it calmer....but their voices react to my life......
quiet...listening.......i found a spot that had a wire embedded....and a metal small device....the wood is newer.....both neighbors moved.....
noises above.....empty apt.
I found many survelliance devices.....chased someone.....
hear 2 talking .......
never leave sat sun fri......alqays there and listening.......
I had to go I felalt sick...
they see me mastwrbate shower...i know there watching...i sense it
how do I paint or relax.
I left to a hotel
I am going to the pd...if in the am the devices arégone

above me
and both sides.

I feel their precense
have some faith in my judgment
think the worst no think its my doing no........talk to me
you'll know and I need help...but u doubt...
weird shit happwnns
when I need I u u dissapwae

beard a self portrait

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american

what makes an american.
what makes me an american
what is my story
what is your story
Id tell you, but you didnt ask,

Im done pretending
to be nervous
or to give a f***
that you dont approve of my percieved life

thing is
its none of your business
and has never been.

ill be nice to you
no matter what...

ill be nice if u kick me in the back.
ill trust you have a conciounce.
whoever you is.

what did I do
annyway my concsious is clear
if you threaten my home. my privacy
i will defend my privacy with my life

Skitzo meets underworld

Before I awoke I had fell from the school style bus. After watching two jump a leap as high as the golden gate from the water.. I simply intended to watch. B4 I knew it I had fallen w/out a reason. The fall was livable...thoughts like "fuck" went through my mind...but I hit the water.....and awoke so far underneath the water....and so week ...w/ no energy to swim to the surface...the struggle to go deeper exhausted me..& the time it took took my breath...I flipped my arms in circles...trying to think about making it to the surface ... In an instant fear took over...the surface too far reasoning.... elemental downward forces. no more air .
all I can take
no rescue.
I was pushed
I would rather die.
kill me
I give up...my end is here...one more
noise one more
car
one more shred of doubt
I'm ready
they pushed
I can only take so much
shoot me
but if not
than let me be
or ill take my odds w GOD
I'm a good person who's made mistakes.
I admit
I'm too weak
drowned .....
its done or I cannot go on.

no time for regret

get busy livin or get busy dyin. my brother always said. few times in my life have I regretted my words.

but I cannot be alive and have hate for another.
I cannot breathe a breath if my mirror doesn't reflect what I see.
but I do
I cannot exhist and know i've not done my best but I do.
I cannot lie or cause pain..and live w myself but I will
I cannot live and lie
but lies will be said.
I cannot be arrogant but
its how I appear
I cannot live w fear
but my fear is deep.
how can I love w/o living as if.
every child and woman
trusts my name.
I do
how do I live.
I can't live and not try
but why do I stay
where I fear
where hermits dwell
only to be a hermit
but stuck in his dream
hermit floating
on a parade of paranoid eyes
I want to be included.
I want you to like me
I want so much
but how did I become this stuck.

every day a strangers eye tells me...im no suprisem
every day my guilt of shame is
written in the sky.
all watch me fall
theyvwatch me in my sleep
at my most private moment
they stick scopes inside me.

why

I dreamed I put on Kilbeys shoes which were striped and one size to big. Mark seemed concerned: though to me they fit just fine, & I doubted steve would even notice.

ancient archytype

I saw him before I saw him....he looked me over to see if I was the one....goatee its no mistake.....he was above looking down...does he posess the power...his gaze said.....

Through my hands......A painting made, perhaps a connection to life, perhaps an age old phenomenona' as famous songwriter & lyricist- bass player & painter expressed @ http://www. thetimebeeing.blogspot.com
....how after his dad bought him his first bass guitar- an old black man 's spirit overlapped w/ his.....all of sudden he was slapping the strings.....getting into fights...but he taught him the bass.....perhaps "chris" isn't the painter spirit but my own..I feel I've an old spirit....as in my youth ..never fealt quite youthful....a seriousness that goes with maturing seems to be an underlying impression...But no memory of living or direct awareness of it.vision of my..... if ya die early..ya wannacome back....no Od is a comfortable way to pass.
suicide is asking for more misery. lifes so sad that jumping off the golden gate is a decision for so many. The Bridge a documentry on jumpers is quite heart wrenching...wind surfers below....enjoying life to its fullest....few feet beyond a body splashes followed by a flair.

Ior death is ever going to make u satisafied...you take ur addictions w u.......he told me I was powerful.....perhaps my power creates a connwction to thinhs like paimting ......I fealt a taste of death my painting says death....the first person remarked........-
how much there is...but death is nothing big.....hard to telll ur gone except u can fly...but noone can hear u...i imagind fimding someone who senses u to be a find....as I'd be loneley as hell.....hes a good guy.....my friend chris.....better friend thañ annyone ;alive in my life.I know.....he looks out for my spirit and knows to not scare..as once I sont like....but he's not always here.....he comeßs now'n than.....mystery unfolded a bit mo
re
goodnihht..and googluck
B Raine& Chris

taste of CHEAP SANDWICHES

If th
*Page 1* C H E A P S A N D W I C H E S
------------------------------
*Page 2*
sunlight
when sun cast golden shadows
and morning air
breathes
gently into your
skin
change
is
inevitable
from slumbery seasons
of rigidity
to liquid warm
thirsty soil
a reborn soul
rises weightless
to the surface
floating
in a pool of
memories
too clear to remember
and too alive
to ever
forget
------------------------------
*Page 3*
honey bead
honey bead
poppy seeds stolen
my mind
doctor, oh doctor
magical paper
of gold
orange juiced popcorn
and a brand new car
siphoning worms out of the wall
blue woman
how we all want you
take a picture
green monsters of hate
torment the masses
make them conform
serotonin surging
oozing and cut-up
love
in the afternoon
dreams forgotten
and again
lust from an incarnate
single red rose
lost in a mist
twist of heart
pierced and bleeding
ten-thousand feet and climbing
------------------------------
*Page

4Br31MbBgg0/SLGFWaQ3zlI/AAAAAAAAAYE/hxHKv3Bfa4E/s320/Trn0-bits%5B33%5D-761077.jpeg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5238114461662301778" />

similiar apocolypse

-----Original Message-----
From: 2074086185@messaging.sprintpcs.com
Sent: Fri, 22 Aug 2008 16:46:12 Pacific Daylight Time
To: braine73@gmail.com
Subject:

--
picasaweb.google.com/m/photo?uname=BRaine73&id=5149444943306434658&start=0&authkey=_8EnH1WpvOY&source=bloggerpromo

Eternal

ahhhh

one right way path laconia NH

gettin back

back to the startin line

memories

bring a smile

and a frown

like when I get sick
sick of fucking selphish people
in selphish towns

we sat in the wind
w pints.
dianne worked the coffee shop
sittin w the bosses dime
thinkin..she came and sat on my lap.
cute she was
but my mind was on doin time.

livin it up.
aug complained of work
as I came home w/a line
one line....than
a nature TRIP
radical ferries
came home to see a state document...

I knew .
sure enuff
that line cost me 13 months.

watched the cars
guards ,shit...i was taken from my rack.
a seargent all millitary like stood waiting.
they took me througj this secret door to a room w/ 3 liutenants.
I t was a bad dream that somwow was my reality.
like the movies. who beought the Heroin? I got on paper enougj to lugg you....no visits...send u to shoe:these fucks had my brain twisted...I knew I didn't do shit...but they knew I did....askin me crazy ass questions.....than it turned...forget about u 4 a minute..the glassy cold as ice eyed stare of lt. como or lt homo...this dude was mean....if any of us had to see him......ur ballssheunk in ur stomache....we know what's goin on but we want u to tell us or be sent where inmates get stabbed.or brains smashed in..guards had full riot geare...u get these nice red outfits....all I did was say the same thing...i stay in bed and read...i haven't done H ordo I know....sir I won't be a rat sir.....GO IN THE HALLWAY....THINK ABOUT UR ANSWER WHEN U COME BACK U BETTER TELL US....
would it end?
finally a woman seaegent came...i was in tears....didnt realize the sick game their playin...same mentality as rendition or how the US stomps on all our rights.
that effected how I saw things...and I was quite positive b4 that.....annyway don't know why I picked that...but its in my history
goodnite

h

stupa drunk

around when we got sick of the cops thunderinh " I know the guns in here" between the roaches and pissy warm shower & a barefoot bang......between 5am turkey dinner take-outs...& .025 cent cookies sustaininhg.....we moved out of the casa loma thougjt of &s house of dirt- mark slept in violet (my gf's truck) I remember moving him....snickering at t e insanity of it all.....,around that time...Id been making trips to Berkeley to the Nyingma INT w/ the hopes of beeing sent North to Odiyon...rigorous testing of will& physical mental condition -overall motivation for the 6 month committment....

how would I have guessed my future.. from a sacred high 2....walking into 5oo fillmore w/ blue chelsae pete sistar cozmos august mark and I....what a crowd.
chelsae OD'd. we all woke to petes screaming.. It was alien to me than... blue& chelsae were very ok beeing half naked.....and I a too shy boy....once was askedif blues right or left breast was bigger....I locked myseld in our room....Than The famous boy on boy lover real man fight....& the tarot cards that combusted.....
,Mark left to visit the E coast. Aug met thiz pierced NY guy who turned him on. I'd stay & watch at his request....Nirvanna came out w/ teen spirit the lyrics fit my broken heart...it was so new....august was much more social...I went along to parties but always afraid to meet My anxiety was at the cofee shop , on our walks to art stores...mark called me peroshski ..we always got one at the coener...wedvisoliver sometimes...i wish I'd stayed on track w/ the free radical feeling I got their....but I never fealt good...
eventually the chaos got me a rented closet in a large and haunted home.....mark went to live w/ a friend from noc noc.....man that bar was the place....met cheryl there....fell deep for her so old I thought at 27......
soon I would party smoking black tar...w/owen a rich artist from santa-barbara. I was 19. it was 1992....
end here 2 nite..
maybe we don't live in past
but why not write it.

Out

Finally got out, the coolest pictures wouldve been the joggers starring @ my boquet in my bag, the pda attached to my chest...& me sitting way up underneath the bridge....its a blind curve for byciclists.... I picked a great assortment of flowers- these peoples reactions to someone taking photos of everythih ....he must be on drugs.......wtf? Cuzz I'm noticing nature on the nature trail.....oh and I'm not speedwalking....I did get a walking stick shut my eyes w my dark sunglasses....even on a trail its hard damn bicyciclists.....they don't care..........that bewey @ I messed w b4....this lobster boat was trailing me.....or maybe I was paranoid......def para normal.......
Night...
Don't ya luv the 0 second page views.......suddenly the entire world is finding me....
Sum1 pull sum strings......hmmm.....GNITE

Mix,random pix

Yawn

Fwd: Mp3

--- Forwarded Message ---
From:braine73@gmail.com
Sent:Tue 7/29/08 2:01 am
To:go@blogger.com
Cc:
Subj:Mp3

Dawns dirty mix

b4 I sleep

as my thoughts wander and my eyes tire..
Let my desire drain out like an oil leak...let my self become less...and less....time for destination is not...there is nothing....no far off place ....i have had it all all thiz time. No , I won't listen to words.......never follow a teachers words........if he is kind, I will be taught kindness.....in our souls we talk. Words are so meaningless......society wants me to be guilty.....suck my brain energy......take a class volunteer....work....paint.....
Psycoanylize......use my mind to get to the roots.....there is no answer......nowhere......nothing.....no more pressure to go out and pretend I'm someoneelse.....no more wet dfeams of california...ive been asleep ....trapped in the past.......paying for sins.....
I've ignored what is. I've pleaded for someone to rescue me......
I am in no problem.... Only my illusuon.....
Sure I must fulfill my self...
But enuff with the past.....enuff w my dreams.....enuff with hope for a,b & c........
I'd say my entire day is not lived......
To give up my hope and illusion will leave me w/nothing but who I be......
This is the only place to start. Or I shall keep coming to starrt again...

I'm sure I shall grieve my day dreaming.... My guilt has blocked my self......
Society's lazi....
Hopeless No
w/o goals no
but letting go of all the pressure fróm time.....i will step out......
its not time to stop. Time for destination.....much to learn.....rivers to swim, souls to nourish.....my body to take care...i shall paint if it fancies....or write if I like...i will do what I shall for my own reasons.........
I cannot plan for tomorrow...i must breathe into right now......
Awareness ....accepting ......
I read Death will take care of itself... Be joyous & full now so there's no room for ...what I could do or should do, hard lesson if never learned....and no matter how old....nothing is ever.....unless it is now.....traumatic to unleash time.......how can depression survive......when there is nothing......
Misery by choice......no need for more money. To be respected.......based on fear based morals......I dare u to love... I dare you to let go of ur morals......that uve learned..........from the world. Intelligence & luv....let them be ur morality.......u can't risk a thing....u can't be immoral as a slave to beeing all high & mighty....your morals make u weak...
It takes courage to be immoral....
Trembling & afraid to to keep loving a friend......

Answer to yourself.....noone else.
Peace...
Brainyone

remember time is a killer wave...it ll take u under if you aren't awake...ride it...enjoy it...

Laugh @ mistakes.
Luv that u made it...
Goodnight.

OSHO ZEN DESTINATION NOwhere

gigs of ram & future dreams creates the molecules of tick tock Time, have u ever created a current in a pool? Than went the otherway. So rewarding to float in the soft tide w/o any effort the blue sky , warm water ahh I could float forever.
Looking up my mind fights toward the shore. Boats pass by - the tide is going out. Once I was with society ....i risked the comforting waves longer ...ahh deal w/ it later....shit the coastguards job not mine.

Been wanting destination. Been wanting death. I've 4got that effort
can be useful my gps local in the sun burnt raft- so right....ive got it all xcept awareness. How can I reach a destination when I begin @ nothinh & end at nothing.....

Loose it all standing naked in grass that mimics the past.
nothing will be the same. chances of newness slap my numb face...fear - comfort- wanting wishing starring into the great minds eye.....fearing societies moral eye...luv is a risk...firgiveness ...newness is a door...
She won't be there. no place to find darkness......there can be but one choice...be into your saddness...be into your anger...submerse .....one can get out if they are completeley inn. MORALITY has you trained...you are not moral but for resect. Superiority....you lost the connection there's no way to identify.. U as ur morality is for superficiality....so worried you 'll go to hell.....lets get moral from within....when society moves with you...great when they go against you....do not turn for their sake....4 their asleep .....he lied bleeding, so they robbed him

jesus never went along with the crowd.
Buddha would he?

Change is not from me....Its all around me. I must awaken....than the fruit that nourished only to wrott shall be plucked in the pre dawn and the sun shall burn my worries today.
Thanx to Osho ZEN Tarot(Celtic Cross)....Change-the issue. Travel-internal influence cannot see,Morality-external I'm aware, resolution-totality, Understanding- Awareness.