isnt it strange or is it just the wat it should be..
oh btw she made it to new orleans, and i spent a refreshing weekend at my moms
who has been going through radiation..at the same time- my sisters due to give birth
lots od baby clothes and diapers
I fealt the baby kick
I wonder what kind of life it will have
i wonder if it dreams of other lifetimes curled inside
floating in mothers warm waters
lilly grace thats her name, i feel as though she should be in my addressbook
or have her own cellp[hone, shes ready to come out
these must be the best days in the womb
the finall days, hours
what a rush to be sucked out where
instinct takes over and after a few patts hopefully breathes
so much more than cracks ive already seen]
each decision will be made with thought to consequence..
My family has always hiiden the painful things
especially from me..oversensitive moody boy
might just have atemper
and say something i regret
august, my life freind/ aquarian Brother is finally off parole!!!!
his mom called , i feel I know her well, she cant get ahold of him thinks he might be using as he frequently did before around mothers day..
joaney in florida...august you know id be there if i could
But realistically besides our likeness we couldnt be more diferent
I get annoyed..at your habits and you w/ mine
truely have become closer than brothers
how id love to see the golden gates cruise through north beach
have lunch with the seals
pretend im a tourist
sink into lower haight
play a game of chess,
jump across to noc noc, leave with]
a wiccan wicked woman....
Noc Noc is where mark bartended and where we had our vegan thanksgiving meal
its where i fell in love w/ a fly ==a barfly....
its walls of caves and blurry tv screens
dark stout and anchor steam
just a half pint. younger bro
he always hooked me up,
arched back smokin his clove
leader of the noc noc pac
and than there was the leather jackets
and mini-skirts and when we jumped on our motorcycle
the citi was ours
from fell street to the filmore and Up the castro
we really raced those streets
smokin pot outa apples....wasnt a day there wasnt a discovery
or an acid trip in the park
or a chance freindly enconter turned sketchy
ending up in the projects
somehow spending money on something i dont smoke
be careful at buena vista 17 yr old
wander lust boy...those men in the bushes are lookin at you
walk like you own the block
dont cross the street
when you see dealers
befreind them..letthem know you live here too
some nights it just doesnt matter
the whole city is on fire
the rains washing theblood from a drunk man just hit by a speeding cab
or you find yourself at the other end of a broken beer bottle for beeing white
and drunk in the wrong neighborhood....
but it wouldnt be the same w/o those wet streets
or that achy rain soaked
[pain deep in your soul
tellin you to copp before
you lose control of all bodily functions
.....nothing realer than waking up
beside two parked cars
and shivering......
careless about whos lookin at you
this is no life they say
as theyhand me a 20your too young
to be out here
ive heard it all before
dont try to save me
cuzz I really dont wantto hear it
i swear theres always one
lookin to save you from the venemous night
u could save me if you gave me ten more dollars...
so it got paranoid
and skinny]the streets were looking to turn me in
where sickness is plenty
time to get out
weve got to make a choice
so easy to get on the plane
so hard to get off, but we did
in the little bathroom
..joanna put up a fit
always had to fix it...
or cause a seen....
im glad i got her home
she was turnintricks
going out of her mind
that was no place for a girl like her
so thats one time ome place one past
maybe all I know, But theres much to loearn
that is if ya wanna live
you are the lucky one
dont fuck it up....
dont tempt fate
cuzz your mortal dear boy
and its not just some dream in which so many diestart liking it ...or at least pretending to see the fabulous souls you run into
why are these things happenning
]there a sign of what is to come
Im not goin annywhere
it takes me awhile sometimes
cuzz
i like my shell
but its cracked
so just poke me a bit and ill come say hello
im freindly....
sorry i was away...sorry you had to worry,,,its a wrotten thing to do
to make someone worry
so dont
i hope you wont stop
worrying
...I wont, take there calls]
answer there beckonings
Im sick, so i must stay away .
ive learned I cant get close
like getting to close to amosh pit
youll get sucked in
Im on my feet,,,
I may be sideways--But
im looking UP................
last night
amazing synchronicity chain of events, a ghost of a fallen warrior, a fallen warrior, a watching eye
that connected the peices, and made it all make sense. someone random as a star who has been living
and breathing someone aware.
aware of tradjedy
interested in a life not ordinary, not convenient or 9-5, a life of tailspins and quick escapes, of rolled over vehicles, and couples that cant seem to not be loud. saying the word Fuck loudly one hundred times and talikg about This DRUG or that one loudly......I try to give them more than a hint i want to be left alone, their super obnoxious, noone allows them into their homes, they know it, but cannot change Both are homeless and one works at an escort service, she cant admit she has sex for money. she calls them"shows" she leaves her boyfreind to sleep in the rain, and flipflops a million times on him driving him insane.........one of them will drive ya nutz,,both of them 'll get ya kicked out....God is it too muchto ask for a little peace and quiet...so i can enjoy my rare moments. do they have to keep draining every inch of energy...dude can u do this can you do that.....
Tell your girlfreind not to talkso loud, i do have neighbors...no you cant smoke in the hall, forget it just GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Goddamn......No wonder.............ahhh Dean man..ya gotta get it together
think about why noone allows you in,,,think about yelling out my window when the lastthing i want is attention, think about that wine you stole, w/o telling a soul at the store...and the pills you stole from my console.....These things get people in trouble............your waves will sink me...........im already taking on water......I dont live in a crackhouse ............take your crackhead girlfreind who abandons you... and find someone else to leach upon...... I dont want anything from you..............
Normally Im a nice person,,but I cannot , my energy is on another level..I dont live to get fucked up
and than complain about it...
ive been sank beforfe by addicts seeking stealing using every morsel ....you wont get a pinch of blood.
that connected the peices, and made it all make sense. someone random as a star who has been living
and breathing someone aware.
aware of tradjedy
interested in a life not ordinary, not convenient or 9-5, a life of tailspins and quick escapes, of rolled over vehicles, and couples that cant seem to not be loud. saying the word Fuck loudly one hundred times and talikg about This DRUG or that one loudly......I try to give them more than a hint i want to be left alone, their super obnoxious, noone allows them into their homes, they know it, but cannot change Both are homeless and one works at an escort service, she cant admit she has sex for money. she calls them"shows" she leaves her boyfreind to sleep in the rain, and flipflops a million times on him driving him insane.........one of them will drive ya nutz,,both of them 'll get ya kicked out....God is it too muchto ask for a little peace and quiet...so i can enjoy my rare moments. do they have to keep draining every inch of energy...dude can u do this can you do that.....
Tell your girlfreind not to talkso loud, i do have neighbors...no you cant smoke in the hall, forget it just GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Goddamn......No wonder.............ahhh Dean man..ya gotta get it together
think about why noone allows you in,,,think about yelling out my window when the lastthing i want is attention, think about that wine you stole, w/o telling a soul at the store...and the pills you stole from my console.....These things get people in trouble............your waves will sink me...........im already taking on water......I dont live in a crackhouse ............take your crackhead girlfreind who abandons you... and find someone else to leach upon...... I dont want anything from you..............
Normally Im a nice person,,but I cannot , my energy is on another level..I dont live to get fucked up
and than complain about it...
ive been sank beforfe by addicts seeking stealing using every morsel ....you wont get a pinch of blood.
Bombers Dead
when I lived near the upper haight, the time when I first experienced w/ heroin, I met an intelligent allbeeit addicted abstract artist by the name of "Bomber' just days ago, i was at a house and, beeing in a similiar circumstance under which I met the cat,a dude rolls in looking just like him.. Immediateley i called him Bomber....
Bomber played the drums for a punk band R.K.L The signed, and had a record release party in my apartment.. Bomber was the first person that introduced the using of syringes, He would talk about bvizarre happennings and how he wasnt an addict but , his rock/nroll lifestyle was just a product of using...I just found this on the internet
bombers dead
i dont know why I met bombers "double" under similiar backdrops,,,,when I knew HIM WAS at the beginning of what he accomplished......
Guess I need to see this reality....when its someone that you knew somehow someday for any lenghth of time , well. words cannot describe....
Bomber played the drums for a punk band R.K.L The signed, and had a record release party in my apartment.. Bomber was the first person that introduced the using of syringes, He would talk about bvizarre happennings and how he wasnt an addict but , his rock/nroll lifestyle was just a product of using...I just found this on the internet
bombers dead
i dont know why I met bombers "double" under similiar backdrops,,,,when I knew HIM WAS at the beginning of what he accomplished......
Guess I need to see this reality....when its someone that you knew somehow someday for any lenghth of time , well. words cannot describe....
why do I
so many excuses, i could get to jive,,but what it boils down to besides a girl boiling cotton in my bed is that Im a fucking human and im fallible...Yoga 'll get u there opiates 'll get you there, but the price is too heavy ive paid it before why have i even one into that place....Like the NA olks old sayin if you dont want to fly dont go to the airport..this is my my most personal and yin yang diary of sorts so this could all conme back to me im trusting in the power of the blogg to set me free the power of the blog, to let me sort out this mess, if your family, Im Ok,,,all i can say Is relapse
combined with a "x-stripper in crimre" who saw mw a million miles away, saw my bleeding heart, saw I needed to understand her, for her.....But did i enireley loose, no....am I paying..yes..am i scard noone will ever beleive or trust me --yes,,do i want to delete all this yes,,,,but this is my lifee..I made decisions I fell ....now picking up the peices,..this time..could be harder cuzz one decision coud've risked my health.....fucking isolation.............fucking methadone.................
fucking system butt-fucking a opiate addicted girl, throwing her to the wolves al the while knowing they were going to get her money..........everyone else tells her no,,,,,,,,,,,,fuck why cant I tell her no
shes begun to rely on my sickness..........her mind is not stable....she has 0 direction.....I didnt want it to go so far..I dint want sex, i wanted no rewaard, but drivn down the insterstate in zen while she gently massages my neck....
the freind i found could have a million faces
Im the only one thatgives in too her
shes left me
penniless'
my last dime spent so she wouldnt hurt
I of course made this decision,
but I gained the same old knowledge
I learned what not to do...
I was on a track.
things were movin
I was learnin'
meeting people
getting recognition..
now i must stop.,,,,theres no choice
shell go on to the nextguy
sucking his bank roll dry
god i was doin so good
it couldve been worse
much worse
im ashamed at my own feet
that I let her come between
that let her have power over me
when all she wanted was
to numb all of her feelings
never happenned
she could be on deaths door
still wantin more''
buzzin my door
at 7
than callin at 11 every 10 minutes
lookin to score
im not the man
what you said you wanted
i got
than you changed
forgot]
didnt care
and left me with your pain
I took it into my body
listened to you cry'
I let you alone
and let you cry
but your tears]
cost me years
of knowledge
drips in a bucket]
spalshed over the top
you got high and knocked it over
and i didnt care
well,
we must
I must go on\]
i dont want to see you slit your wrists
i cant scrambeled in this buti already am.
Ive come to far]
to let out all my secrets
combined with a "x-stripper in crimre" who saw mw a million miles away, saw my bleeding heart, saw I needed to understand her, for her.....But did i enireley loose, no....am I paying..yes..am i scard noone will ever beleive or trust me --yes,,do i want to delete all this yes,,,,but this is my lifee..I made decisions I fell ....now picking up the peices,..this time..could be harder cuzz one decision coud've risked my health.....fucking isolation.............fucking methadone.................
fucking system butt-fucking a opiate addicted girl, throwing her to the wolves al the while knowing they were going to get her money..........everyone else tells her no,,,,,,,,,,,,fuck why cant I tell her no
shes begun to rely on my sickness..........her mind is not stable....she has 0 direction.....I didnt want it to go so far..I dint want sex, i wanted no rewaard, but drivn down the insterstate in zen while she gently massages my neck....
the freind i found could have a million faces
Im the only one thatgives in too her
shes left me
penniless'
my last dime spent so she wouldnt hurt
I of course made this decision,
but I gained the same old knowledge
I learned what not to do...
I was on a track.
things were movin
I was learnin'
meeting people
getting recognition..
now i must stop.,,,,theres no choice
shell go on to the nextguy
sucking his bank roll dry
god i was doin so good
it couldve been worse
much worse
im ashamed at my own feet
that I let her come between
that let her have power over me
when all she wanted was
to numb all of her feelings
never happenned
she could be on deaths door
still wantin more''
buzzin my door
at 7
than callin at 11 every 10 minutes
lookin to score
im not the man
what you said you wanted
i got
than you changed
forgot]
didnt care
and left me with your pain
I took it into my body
listened to you cry'
I let you alone
and let you cry
but your tears]
cost me years
of knowledge
drips in a bucket]
spalshed over the top
you got high and knocked it over
and i didnt care
well,
we must
I must go on\]
i dont want to see you slit your wrists
i cant scrambeled in this buti already am.
Ive come to far]
to let out all my secrets
do u ever come
she tells me she 'll be there in the hot night, she has used up every credit, her nature is to use, but she saysa were freinds,,,im not attracted, no feelings,,,she lied....why why cant just this once you feel for me, so alone you lie there and i become more isolated, your touch once telling lies now is gone...the lies u used were beauty....i sacrificed all for some nights with you....we were a team,, i was in a dream,,,you were so close,,,i was that annoying fatirl i treatedbadly.........how did it get like this...
why did i give u so much.......what was i expecting............its time to grow,,,i cant stand still,,if id only known,,,,no amount of money could have shown me this.
it wasnt money but you forcing me to see what ive become,,,, what i need to do ..that im not trapped...ive lived your life at least part of it,,,,i know you took and used id done the same....you laughed , i numbed you i maintained your pain managed it
am i evil for wanting companionship,,,,,even if it cost me my skin...
youll be gone......i placed all my bets on you, and you just needed sollace.
just someone go against the tide with.............am i that repulsive,,,,, wow
some say drugs helps creativity. well, what theyve helped, they took away the origin. life. life beyond TV and breakfast.....life beyond a cry for help, life beyond a fruitful past and a connection random, to a few higher beeings,,,,
im not me, havent been, ive missed you,,,, seeing me recognizing me, trusting me, i miss simple drives, listening to the RHCP ..................what hurts is its after 30..........if not now when???? took it all for granted
made the decision you all knew i would,,, and i was doin so good
fuck i gave myself a chance
found my only support in the room
with water and pins and bits of personalities
....went astray
not much else to say
brother
im climbing out
please come to me...
i made a few bad choices
cost me alot
but i couldnt walk away
she eas an excuse
got caught in the middle
but it was life
somethings that been lacking
least i have something to show
could have been worse
pick up the peices
and move on
slowly manipulating time
im not the man i used to be
and it pains me
beacause i see it in your eyes
if nothing else a lesson learned
,,,,,,.....always at an expense
ahhhh.........
i knew all along....
she didnt care
but it gave me hope
just to hold her
and tell her everythings ok
tonight.
why did i give u so much.......what was i expecting............its time to grow,,,i cant stand still,,if id only known,,,,no amount of money could have shown me this.
it wasnt money but you forcing me to see what ive become,,,, what i need to do ..that im not trapped...ive lived your life at least part of it,,,,i know you took and used id done the same....you laughed , i numbed you i maintained your pain managed it
am i evil for wanting companionship,,,,,even if it cost me my skin...
youll be gone......i placed all my bets on you, and you just needed sollace.
just someone go against the tide with.............am i that repulsive,,,,, wow
some say drugs helps creativity. well, what theyve helped, they took away the origin. life. life beyond TV and breakfast.....life beyond a cry for help, life beyond a fruitful past and a connection random, to a few higher beeings,,,,
im not me, havent been, ive missed you,,,, seeing me recognizing me, trusting me, i miss simple drives, listening to the RHCP ..................what hurts is its after 30..........if not now when???? took it all for granted
made the decision you all knew i would,,, and i was doin so good
fuck i gave myself a chance
found my only support in the room
with water and pins and bits of personalities
....went astray
not much else to say
brother
im climbing out
please come to me...
i made a few bad choices
cost me alot
but i couldnt walk away
she eas an excuse
got caught in the middle
but it was life
somethings that been lacking
least i have something to show
could have been worse
pick up the peices
and move on
slowly manipulating time
im not the man i used to be
and it pains me
beacause i see it in your eyes
if nothing else a lesson learned
,,,,,,.....always at an expense
ahhhh.........
i knew all along....
she didnt care
but it gave me hope
just to hold her
and tell her everythings ok
tonight.
breakfast?
ahh now tis too real...she stole from me. now this is all making sense, roads are appearring, this is just one,,one that is similiar, many synchronicities of the past familiar souls in similiar bodies...
he doesnt say much, dont think he cares too much about living.....somehow he does it,,tthe drones flow in line............the man shows up,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,vanish,,,,,,,,,,,,,,re appear.............like starving bears devouring their fix, even pups come to get any leftovers.
is life that bad people, i mean does the telivision hurt you.
from what i can tell,,,,2 of you are toying and a couple are every day..............
as long as u got green, and a empty day,,you can waste your money....on dirt,
Im on the outside looking in, but it wouldnt take much, so I back up step back,,,,,,,,,,,cutt off the diseased arms,,,,,,fuck why do I gravitate toward people who think its cool to do "shit"
funny id never guedd seeing them on the street,my junky rdar isnt as good as it used to be,,,
so I heal my wounds............lick my sores.............clean my house...................get back what i lost
and forget what i thought i could gain by getting junkieA to junky palace B,,,,,even if she once
may have been someone or someday may,,,shes not now...
he doesnt say much, dont think he cares too much about living.....somehow he does it,,tthe drones flow in line............the man shows up,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,vanish,,,,,,,,,,,,,,re appear.............like starving bears devouring their fix, even pups come to get any leftovers.
is life that bad people, i mean does the telivision hurt you.
from what i can tell,,,,2 of you are toying and a couple are every day..............
as long as u got green, and a empty day,,you can waste your money....on dirt,
Im on the outside looking in, but it wouldnt take much, so I back up step back,,,,,,,,,,,cutt off the diseased arms,,,,,,fuck why do I gravitate toward people who think its cool to do "shit"
funny id never guedd seeing them on the street,my junky rdar isnt as good as it used to be,,,
so I heal my wounds............lick my sores.............clean my house...................get back what i lost
and forget what i thought i could gain by getting junkieA to junky palace B,,,,,even if she once
may have been someone or someday may,,,shes not now...
remnense
LOOK OUT OF ANY WINDOW ANY doorway any day hey???? maybe a bird is singing..jerry why did the multitudes follow. steve same question....we are a idolic nation, we need the high arcangels to fly to where few dare to tread, sometimes risking all to gain this knowledge ive gone on the path to self-inflicted wizdom, the shortcut that leads in circles........less writting more discovering
why did i stop all movement, why does life after breakfast seem unbearable, is it molecular, is it karma, what have i done. past life??? will i ever know....is it all a fantasy....
what i need is the key..please,,someone show me how to get out, ive been up here too long, watching lovers dance and swear drunken signs of bligerance, mopeds and alcohol.....fast girls....
for a fast boy...bar fly...time and place...........why do i get put here, always,,,Its the people I come from, they are the ones the only ones...I love them... I love their pain and there quietness, their patience
the people i have always looked up too as far as awareness and openess of the mind, are the people I feel turned from me. My fault, who cares are we k-school,,,,i wanna tell my dad what i beleive about gay men before he dies and mother that I see the same beauty and The bible
that book that they obey, mom.....it scarred me. I was too young. why did you force that on us,
u knew no better, and now know, noones ever had a 'perfect' family
my mom didnt have a father figure, we didnt, she met hurtful men, sister as well.....
M has an equation at least that keeps a pattern, im a loose pigeon in a foreighn town getting spat on by the rich fags in their exectutive sweets
i trust my senses....... there para normal...... I can sense falseness, and actors trying to always say the right thing.............
why did i stop all movement, why does life after breakfast seem unbearable, is it molecular, is it karma, what have i done. past life??? will i ever know....is it all a fantasy....
what i need is the key..please,,someone show me how to get out, ive been up here too long, watching lovers dance and swear drunken signs of bligerance, mopeds and alcohol.....fast girls....
for a fast boy...bar fly...time and place...........why do i get put here, always,,,Its the people I come from, they are the ones the only ones...I love them... I love their pain and there quietness, their patience
the people i have always looked up too as far as awareness and openess of the mind, are the people I feel turned from me. My fault, who cares are we k-school,,,,i wanna tell my dad what i beleive about gay men before he dies and mother that I see the same beauty and The bible
that book that they obey, mom.....it scarred me. I was too young. why did you force that on us,
u knew no better, and now know, noones ever had a 'perfect' family
my mom didnt have a father figure, we didnt, she met hurtful men, sister as well.....
M has an equation at least that keeps a pattern, im a loose pigeon in a foreighn town getting spat on by the rich fags in their exectutive sweets
i trust my senses....... there para normal...... I can sense falseness, and actors trying to always say the right thing.............
fiends
comeout of the walls worse than crutched old hoseback men on canes, delivering babies, too busy nodding off to see her so sad i cannot lrt hrr be no matter how she uses me....a mother torn from her baby because of a world where she cant fit the mold, so she says goodbye....and shes sad and fucked up and makes no sense and everyone knows shes psycho........but they let her in......a fix is worth a thousand peoples love..............shes torn between a baby ,thats supposed to be in her arms and a needle thatpokes in deep................
what can i do
she is volitile can swing any direction,,,,is cruel,,doesnt know what or where or even if
but regardless that i am a vehicle for her stay before her bussride....she thrills me,,,,,,when shes concious we have the most fun.....but thta not often.....shes sleeping right now......
so she offeerrss spilt juice,,,,,,, a tank of gas minus...........and a bitchy sad.............but fragile
beeing like we all.................
do i care she only takes...yes... do I want to be seen for what im doing...........these things may come to her on some sobering moment walking down canal st w/ her next BF.......
so sad,,she says IM SAD"""""" I say "I Know" I wish i could take it away////"i miss my baby" of course you do" oh honey why cant you find sollace in my armss rather than a needle point...................... I can give you so much........ If you wil let go of this enemy and that fucking bitch.............and do for yourself what you neeed to do,,
lowdown..
girl has baby
girl gives baby for adoption
Girl and baby are on methadone
insurance cuts off methadone
when she gives baby
result............
dropped from 70 mgs to copping dope every fucking day...
she TOLD me and her mother gave her money for suboxone for the bussride
this isnt a fucking sauna story, or some social tell a joke brunch w/ your rich freinds...
This is life at its hardest people....loose your baby,,,,,,,,be sick every day.............and sad
where nothing will ever take the pain away
so i let her sleep
i let her sleep until dawn
crawl,,,and that pretty face may have a smile
im tellin you any man would be at his wits end....hormones,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,drugs............................i want this....................no--------i WANT THIS..............................TAKE ME HERE,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
fuck it just get me high...."IM SAD: I just wanna get high...............i know ya do honey....."i made a bad choice I want her back""" mICCINA " lOOK at you you cant raise a child, your all strung out..." I know BUt I miss Him"
known as a psycho.............she has beautiful lonh black hair,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,an extremeley attractive face, even her body is great after the baby,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
I kNow I cant REALLY help this girl......IM just like a drug or a patch on a wound....I could be anny man...............she 's street smart.. its ok shes not even interested in anythinhg sexual,,,,neither am i...............sure, i wish i fealt that attraction where a casual brush of an arm
tells you so much.....shes everything that I could want....................I mean she could be...
I was a junky............I dont judge her..............................i dont let her abuse my help,,,but if god gave her the ability to radiate a glow that attracts guys like me to answer the phone,,,and make all the decions for her, well wtf....................all i can do is let her know im here..............
I KNOW SHE DOESNT CARE WHO HELPS HER ATTAIN HER MEDICINE,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
I KNOW THATSHE KNOWS I FIND HER ATTRACTIVE AND IM A SUCKER
sure id love her to just cuddle with me
but shes torn.....................she needs her baby and im not it...
so i let her sleep....
micinna dont you see how beauriful you are.............and that howgiving th baby was the better option............................you need major psychhelp,,,, cant ..girl your a junky babe and i do love ya
and you mayonly remember lighting my nose on fire ,,,but we laughed, and today when we walked in the evening, and you asked to come with me, ,,,Iknow their cruel,,,,,,i know noone will give u a break,, I know none of its your fault i your mind,,,,,,, so from now on im just going to be gentle................no more bickering because your unstable..............you cant do what you know you should.........im glad to help you
but like i told you 2nitr no matter how sad and confused you are you gotta consider other peoples hearts......................Ive seen you smile and laugh..................and someday if life allows you will again........................im greatful that you crossed paths, im greatful when you are here
just touching your hair,,,,,,,,,,,,,
and telling you ,,,its ok ,,,,,your right, if getting high is your only patch so be it...
at least there junkies with jobs,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,funny i wonder if people know that your accountant shoots heroin on the weekends.................that "normal" people do drugs
OMG OH its not BEER,,,so I change the chemical...Im the one with the problem
you get home poor a scotch relax pop a vivodin........................
man im an addict so i dont use drugs because ill be roadkill,,,,
but let it be known......heroin is a bad drug............but the depth of misery has no bounds
if it eases her mind
who am I to
drink my scotch or pop my pill
and tell her .......................oh i know you just lost your baby , goy kicked dolphine hcl.
have rampant depression...........
shit one needs shot to deal........not I ......................shell begone in a week
till than...................i will try to give her some eastern perspective..as she lives truely in eachmoment
wait that is buddhism...
what can i do
she is volitile can swing any direction,,,,is cruel,,doesnt know what or where or even if
but regardless that i am a vehicle for her stay before her bussride....she thrills me,,,,,,when shes concious we have the most fun.....but thta not often.....shes sleeping right now......
so she offeerrss spilt juice,,,,,,, a tank of gas minus...........and a bitchy sad.............but fragile
beeing like we all.................
do i care she only takes...yes... do I want to be seen for what im doing...........these things may come to her on some sobering moment walking down canal st w/ her next BF.......
so sad,,she says IM SAD"""""" I say "I Know" I wish i could take it away////"i miss my baby" of course you do" oh honey why cant you find sollace in my armss rather than a needle point...................... I can give you so much........ If you wil let go of this enemy and that fucking bitch.............and do for yourself what you neeed to do,,
lowdown..
girl has baby
girl gives baby for adoption
Girl and baby are on methadone
insurance cuts off methadone
when she gives baby
result............
dropped from 70 mgs to copping dope every fucking day...
she TOLD me and her mother gave her money for suboxone for the bussride
this isnt a fucking sauna story, or some social tell a joke brunch w/ your rich freinds...
This is life at its hardest people....loose your baby,,,,,,,,be sick every day.............and sad
where nothing will ever take the pain away
so i let her sleep
i let her sleep until dawn
crawl,,,and that pretty face may have a smile
im tellin you any man would be at his wits end....hormones,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,drugs............................i want this....................no--------i WANT THIS..............................TAKE ME HERE,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
fuck it just get me high...."IM SAD: I just wanna get high...............i know ya do honey....."i made a bad choice I want her back""" mICCINA " lOOK at you you cant raise a child, your all strung out..." I know BUt I miss Him"
known as a psycho.............she has beautiful lonh black hair,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,an extremeley attractive face, even her body is great after the baby,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
I kNow I cant REALLY help this girl......IM just like a drug or a patch on a wound....I could be anny man...............she 's street smart.. its ok shes not even interested in anythinhg sexual,,,,neither am i...............sure, i wish i fealt that attraction where a casual brush of an arm
tells you so much.....shes everything that I could want....................I mean she could be...
I was a junky............I dont judge her..............................i dont let her abuse my help,,,but if god gave her the ability to radiate a glow that attracts guys like me to answer the phone,,,and make all the decions for her, well wtf....................all i can do is let her know im here..............
I KNOW SHE DOESNT CARE WHO HELPS HER ATTAIN HER MEDICINE,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
I KNOW THATSHE KNOWS I FIND HER ATTRACTIVE AND IM A SUCKER
sure id love her to just cuddle with me
but shes torn.....................she needs her baby and im not it...
so i let her sleep....
micinna dont you see how beauriful you are.............and that howgiving th baby was the better option............................you need major psychhelp,,,, cant ..girl your a junky babe and i do love ya
and you mayonly remember lighting my nose on fire ,,,but we laughed, and today when we walked in the evening, and you asked to come with me, ,,,Iknow their cruel,,,,,,i know noone will give u a break,, I know none of its your fault i your mind,,,,,,, so from now on im just going to be gentle................no more bickering because your unstable..............you cant do what you know you should.........im glad to help you
but like i told you 2nitr no matter how sad and confused you are you gotta consider other peoples hearts......................Ive seen you smile and laugh..................and someday if life allows you will again........................im greatful that you crossed paths, im greatful when you are here
just touching your hair,,,,,,,,,,,,,
and telling you ,,,its ok ,,,,,your right, if getting high is your only patch so be it...
at least there junkies with jobs,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,funny i wonder if people know that your accountant shoots heroin on the weekends.................that "normal" people do drugs
OMG OH its not BEER,,,so I change the chemical...Im the one with the problem
you get home poor a scotch relax pop a vivodin........................
man im an addict so i dont use drugs because ill be roadkill,,,,
but let it be known......heroin is a bad drug............but the depth of misery has no bounds
if it eases her mind
who am I to
drink my scotch or pop my pill
and tell her .......................oh i know you just lost your baby , goy kicked dolphine hcl.
have rampant depression...........
shit one needs shot to deal........not I ......................shell begone in a week
till than...................i will try to give her some eastern perspective..as she lives truely in eachmoment
wait that is buddhism...
one call
led me to a sub-world Id only heard about. One call can spend your lfes savings....Too many rides,favors spot you a ten here and there,,cuzz i gotta "show" so I see her again, last time passed out on a heavy chemical, this time shes Jane. But jane just gave up her baby..jane looks good,,but shes torn worn and sexy..put'em together and shes in my car showing me her perky breast. which I simply didnt object to. Its ok to see a womans breast,,,,she fealt the need to show 'em off, but it goes deeper...................money for her...................money for her ......................any man sexy............................shes got ahold......................Thank God I am who I am, and got her home safe.
Dean is a funny guy, but people cant take his nonstop mania. so others pay for it, He survives dating hookers, god knows how and where they end up at the end of the night...
One call connected me to people who were just human,,,,,people that were patient people that wanted to watch lost, people who hated other people.....
Most have had it rough.. everyone was 27. They gotta do what they gotta do...
But You will be eaten up a fucking live...when they dont stop callin,,,god forbid the chemical factor.... God....how can a girl so pretty who just gave away her son, sit there and get hiigh, or how can a father spend his kids b-day money on chemicals.....
Basically peope can be as nice as well intentioned and intelligent, but if there on a path that you
could too easily fall into, one MUST SEPARATE themselves....Unless.........You wanna end up
like Her ..thinking by showing a tit she'll get a few pills from soe guy...............
]
ima nice guy.....sure that womanly appeal is multiplied into infinity, when your drives been in neutral for 4 years,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Light some candles.....................
ill play your game
But heres my limits
I dont trade gear for tits
if shes into me
ok...
im not fighting it
But shes just another JAne
missing her babyin a week shell be gone
does it matter we crossed paths
after a year and a thousand miles
or that this whole
INSANE need For Pleasure has
got me on redial.....
My phones dead.
Im flat broke
cant loan ya anything
I didnt say you werent goin to be alawyer
I just pointed out that beeing strung out and homeless
and a high class hooker
is kind a far away from that
dont let me get in the way of your dreams babe.....(the Blonde) escort service
they come with every excuse...........I just come here once a month
took dean two days to smell out the dirt.
Thanx for the tour
but Ive been there before]]
Ill take what Ive learned
and ill take the high
after all I paid enough for it
how can i deny it the right to be.
But My phones off.
That call is over....
___________________________________________
good to see ya though.
Dean is a funny guy, but people cant take his nonstop mania. so others pay for it, He survives dating hookers, god knows how and where they end up at the end of the night...
One call connected me to people who were just human,,,,,people that were patient people that wanted to watch lost, people who hated other people.....
Most have had it rough.. everyone was 27. They gotta do what they gotta do...
But You will be eaten up a fucking live...when they dont stop callin,,,god forbid the chemical factor.... God....how can a girl so pretty who just gave away her son, sit there and get hiigh, or how can a father spend his kids b-day money on chemicals.....
Basically peope can be as nice as well intentioned and intelligent, but if there on a path that you
could too easily fall into, one MUST SEPARATE themselves....Unless.........You wanna end up
like Her ..thinking by showing a tit she'll get a few pills from soe guy...............
]
ima nice guy.....sure that womanly appeal is multiplied into infinity, when your drives been in neutral for 4 years,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Light some candles.....................
ill play your game
But heres my limits
I dont trade gear for tits
if shes into me
ok...
im not fighting it
But shes just another JAne
missing her babyin a week shell be gone
does it matter we crossed paths
after a year and a thousand miles
or that this whole
INSANE need For Pleasure has
got me on redial.....
My phones dead.
Im flat broke
cant loan ya anything
I didnt say you werent goin to be alawyer
I just pointed out that beeing strung out and homeless
and a high class hooker
is kind a far away from that
dont let me get in the way of your dreams babe.....(the Blonde) escort service
they come with every excuse...........I just come here once a month
took dean two days to smell out the dirt.
Thanx for the tour
but Ive been there before]]
Ill take what Ive learned
and ill take the high
after all I paid enough for it
how can i deny it the right to be.
But My phones off.
That call is over....
___________________________________________
good to see ya though.
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DAD
My Father by Mark Merrill