cazadero

स्क्य्त्जो TV

---like The telivision is talking about me , and
the building is beeing invaded by mongers who have my key
every time i come home
somethings changed
a pillow downstairs
a cable unwound
small things

The clairvoyant
said were too prone to become attached tto malicious spirits
I found cig butts werent mine
a shite in the latreen --not mine
shades up

phone calls
buzzes at the door
oh wrong brian
There is no Other....
\
She swears its not her
find a drawing
of a man slitting a scared
creatures throat
on the table
when she leaves
she doesnt know
but found it in her purse...

double life
paranoia
guys on her phone
just friends
well
friends
I see
like
to send
graphic emails

Tried to not pry
she couldnt not tell a lie

want to trust
None left
spirits gone now

he never liked her

I dont care

this is my world I like her
I dont care if
she breathes fire
and
hasd 3 heads that spin
and uses me
I want her


mind ur busibness
oh you who laugh
and say oh what a fool

proud to be am I

sacred fool

heart is sown up

Now

stiches are

coming undone

what do i do

shell

hate you more

cant just let it be

this was the one

man

brimiss

brimiss
Originally uploaded by mojo732000

braine (2).3

braine (2).3
Originally uploaded by mojo732000

whats up

I ANSWERED THE PHONE

fINALLY---yOU EVER have one of those nights when your back hurts , you cant sleep and all you think about is The" good times.."wait were they that good, were they even good? what were they at all ...were they bad were they worseneded by my own inability to take the pain out of the pleasure or to throw the baby out w/ the bath water...Is orono near bangor,,is that why she hasnt responded,,are you upset of course you are I only left 10 million messages making fun of your situation....

You dont need me
You never have
you did those
achy
eggs and bakey
rise and shine
its methaa---douche time..

and i so the pooor lost in love child
throwing pudding at your feeet
but unable to meet
annyone
ever
nothing

you dealt with
my black heart
my fears of life
35 incest seems reasonable
to a man caught on fire

I love you than I take a breath
I love you Than I stay in bed
I love you and I punch the wall
I love you and you never call

निघत owl

The first guy I ever met In SanFrancisco is Now a Famous Painter IN LA...when we met Id travelled from a small town in NH to The Place Id only dreamt of....For some reason I pictured California to be like Just mansions. Like every driveway had a security gate....All this from my bro telling me to ring the buzzer at the gate--not the kind in movies id soon find out.
I arrived at the busstation at 3am
my luggage was in the closed luggage dept.
I stepped over bodies on News Papers
Homeless/weary travelers..hmm....well..absorbibng the co2 the breeze.
I stumble outside and some black dude is yelling at me like he was expecting me.
Naive. But Thats the shuttle.
Man all I remember is flying through these streets a roller coaster ride of lights and people...than we stop. Two girls get in on their way to boston,,,,Oh i just came from Bos..OH...huh....small town small mind---oh so very open so open to let
two brothers whisk me away from a check cashing across to the city hall to buy a bag
(POT-is all im thinkin) he hands me this white square (pill?) he mutters doPUtit in your mouth swallow....I think hes gotten me a pill...so u want me to swallow it ??? NO NO are you crazy man...shit put it in YOUR mouth ....The "5 O" run up on you than you swallow it....we spent that day and I wish Id had a camcorder as Id of had an academy award for sure on the best documentry of a crack head taking advanrtage of a cracker at a check cashing station...
but that wassnt NOW.
all these Houses..there so close together...where are the gates where they let the cars in....U know thta lifts up......than the lights outside dimm..I see mostly african-american and not a place that fealt Like my hollywood dreams....well just as I was thinking of my mansion.......Here YOU 562 Dividedaro.....shock...denial..bargaining...well maybe i coulkd just go sleep with those nice men at the station .....after all newspaper is soft...Ok......no no..theres got to be a mistake..My brother lives in california..u kniow where marylin monroe and the stars star......."are you sure this is it"
Than I saw it..NH plates on the old Honda BIKE on the sidewalk....
So I rang the buzzer......frightfully.....social anxiety started at an early age.
A confident..casual-male w/Long whisking hair.."u must be marks brother"

this post two well-known painters....One a lifetime-painter who id say I could have perhaps been in a much better place if I had listened to HIM...Or put my head up.....Always so afraid....No one meant any harm.....but Now I know It was crazy ass anxiety....parylyzing...sometimes I think, if Id stayed In sanfrancisco
and learned the drums....Maybe at the end of the month-id not be hunngry, or I wouldnt let a girl F me . an I love you determine if I stay in bed with a pillow over my head.......
I have Hope..and that is HUGE as so many dont....I have LOVE. paradoxical I cant force others to give what they either dontr have or prefer to shop at
only the most fashionable stores.

I got a new mac arrivin on friday and I woke @ 4am to find my x in sum strange deam formation.....MY subconcious stared before I even could figure it out
than
tristese? sp