Out

Finally got out, the coolest pictures wouldve been the joggers starring @ my boquet in my bag, the pda attached to my chest...& me sitting way up underneath the bridge....its a blind curve for byciclists.... I picked a great assortment of flowers- these peoples reactions to someone taking photos of everythih ....he must be on drugs.......wtf? Cuzz I'm noticing nature on the nature trail.....oh and I'm not speedwalking....I did get a walking stick shut my eyes w my dark sunglasses....even on a trail its hard damn bicyciclists.....they don't care..........that bewey @ I messed w b4....this lobster boat was trailing me.....or maybe I was paranoid......def para normal.......
Night...
Don't ya luv the 0 second page views.......suddenly the entire world is finding me....
Sum1 pull sum strings......hmmm.....GNITE

Mix,random pix

Yawn

Fwd: Mp3

--- Forwarded Message ---
From:braine73@gmail.com
Sent:Tue 7/29/08 2:01 am
To:go@blogger.com
Cc:
Subj:Mp3

Dawns dirty mix

b4 I sleep

as my thoughts wander and my eyes tire..
Let my desire drain out like an oil leak...let my self become less...and less....time for destination is not...there is nothing....no far off place ....i have had it all all thiz time. No , I won't listen to words.......never follow a teachers words........if he is kind, I will be taught kindness.....in our souls we talk. Words are so meaningless......society wants me to be guilty.....suck my brain energy......take a class volunteer....work....paint.....
Psycoanylize......use my mind to get to the roots.....there is no answer......nowhere......nothing.....no more pressure to go out and pretend I'm someoneelse.....no more wet dfeams of california...ive been asleep ....trapped in the past.......paying for sins.....
I've ignored what is. I've pleaded for someone to rescue me......
I am in no problem.... Only my illusuon.....
Sure I must fulfill my self...
But enuff with the past.....enuff w my dreams.....enuff with hope for a,b & c........
I'd say my entire day is not lived......
To give up my hope and illusion will leave me w/nothing but who I be......
This is the only place to start. Or I shall keep coming to starrt again...

I'm sure I shall grieve my day dreaming.... My guilt has blocked my self......
Society's lazi....
Hopeless No
w/o goals no
but letting go of all the pressure fróm time.....i will step out......
its not time to stop. Time for destination.....much to learn.....rivers to swim, souls to nourish.....my body to take care...i shall paint if it fancies....or write if I like...i will do what I shall for my own reasons.........
I cannot plan for tomorrow...i must breathe into right now......
Awareness ....accepting ......
I read Death will take care of itself... Be joyous & full now so there's no room for ...what I could do or should do, hard lesson if never learned....and no matter how old....nothing is ever.....unless it is now.....traumatic to unleash time.......how can depression survive......when there is nothing......
Misery by choice......no need for more money. To be respected.......based on fear based morals......I dare u to love... I dare you to let go of ur morals......that uve learned..........from the world. Intelligence & luv....let them be ur morality.......u can't risk a thing....u can't be immoral as a slave to beeing all high & mighty....your morals make u weak...
It takes courage to be immoral....
Trembling & afraid to to keep loving a friend......

Answer to yourself.....noone else.
Peace...
Brainyone

remember time is a killer wave...it ll take u under if you aren't awake...ride it...enjoy it...

Laugh @ mistakes.
Luv that u made it...
Goodnight.

OSHO ZEN DESTINATION NOwhere

gigs of ram & future dreams creates the molecules of tick tock Time, have u ever created a current in a pool? Than went the otherway. So rewarding to float in the soft tide w/o any effort the blue sky , warm water ahh I could float forever.
Looking up my mind fights toward the shore. Boats pass by - the tide is going out. Once I was with society ....i risked the comforting waves longer ...ahh deal w/ it later....shit the coastguards job not mine.

Been wanting destination. Been wanting death. I've 4got that effort
can be useful my gps local in the sun burnt raft- so right....ive got it all xcept awareness. How can I reach a destination when I begin @ nothinh & end at nothing.....

Loose it all standing naked in grass that mimics the past.
nothing will be the same. chances of newness slap my numb face...fear - comfort- wanting wishing starring into the great minds eye.....fearing societies moral eye...luv is a risk...firgiveness ...newness is a door...
She won't be there. no place to find darkness......there can be but one choice...be into your saddness...be into your anger...submerse .....one can get out if they are completeley inn. MORALITY has you trained...you are not moral but for resect. Superiority....you lost the connection there's no way to identify.. U as ur morality is for superficiality....so worried you 'll go to hell.....lets get moral from within....when society moves with you...great when they go against you....do not turn for their sake....4 their asleep .....he lied bleeding, so they robbed him

jesus never went along with the crowd.
Buddha would he?

Change is not from me....Its all around me. I must awaken....than the fruit that nourished only to wrott shall be plucked in the pre dawn and the sun shall burn my worries today.
Thanx to Osho ZEN Tarot(Celtic Cross)....Change-the issue. Travel-internal influence cannot see,Morality-external I'm aware, resolution-totality, Understanding- Awareness.

Ahh why do I push people away. Well..becuz I've learned. Humans are needy. I've been told I'm as well.
I've always since a young pimple faced boy been overly self - concious. The stress of facing popular rich well dressed boyz who examined my clothes....couldnt go one morning w/0 " noticing my ability to be affected by their comments..niiiiice shirt...briiiii aaannnnn..........
I bcame skilled at a sport, n when I bcame a real competitor- the main bully who's families money & grandfather- a govenor in my state put a chip.....& there we have it
microcosm of so many adult s......my neighbor, silver spoon type....she complains - pounds the wall .....at 6 pm...
She hears/senses every sound to where I'm walking on egg shells.....

Every tenant who is not a str8 or business person.....is shit on.....ive been threatened to b kicked out for living.......

The manager thinks he's inspector cuso'....he says to me..." u beeing good"......
I say I'm 35 . But I did stay up past my bedtime......oh and played w matches.....

I can feel his sneaky power tripping......i just feel he goes in my apt.
if he thinks u smoke pot or drink....or god 4bid burn incense ......he the postman& the cleaning lady......

An old drunk woman falls outside my door.

A islander deals from his windowsill.

Collge kids break walls.

I watch a movie past 9 pm on a weekday. someone sees a red haired pierced art student.....now I let homeless stay...

I cannot have company....
Bcuzz the system doesn't like that I've become near.....where the yuppies lie.

I'm quite used to this..
I must have been quite evil in a past life.

Addiction is treated medically, its mixed up w/ morality.....its been 5 years.
I empathize w/ young feens.
My roots are there.
However I do not wish to befriend one who's addiction leads them. Good they may be. But I am not a counselor. Young girls who see me follow me promise & lie so I might think they know more.....
I can only speak truth that I feel....i shall not hurt for hurting....but I shall be alone...rather than with a shell.......

I sense fri night police curuosity....as I sit in my car at 2 am by the water...sk I'm burning

Twilight ocean bright....

Possession

My new chinese lanterns

I found a lobster bewey. Jake schooled me on the fishermans right to shoot sum1 messin w their beweys....so b4 we got shot-got a couple photos...

If I go to the ocean, where I'm at doesn't seem so bad.....the highspeed Cat came in at just the right time however if it came in on time is debatable....